iPal is an attempt to make comprehensible certain words that sound familiar, but mean something entirely different when used in Indian governance and politics.
1. Aam Aadmi: Rich people who dress badly.
2. Public interest: a) Interest of Aam aadmi.
b) source of power to override law, constitution, logic, reason, everything.
3. Subsidy: Screw you poor aadmi. Yours sincerely, Aam aadmi.
4. Taxpayer money: Kalpavriksha (mythological, wish-fulfilling divine tree said to fulfill all desires). Also, free lunch.
5. Neo-liberals: Jerks who inconvenience us with facts.
6. Public goods: Stuff the government wants to do with your money. Includes running hotels, making bread etc.
7. Free market fundamentalist: Anyone who wants the government to get out of the business of running hotels or making bread.
8. Pro-Poor: Anti-growth
9. Pro-growth: Crony capitalism
10. Rule of law: Nobody’s business.
11. Sustainable growth: slow growth
12. Due-Process: See, “The Trial” by Kafka.
13. Economic justice/Inclusion: Socialism.
14. Freedom: It’s nice, till you exercise it.
15. Right to free speech: Right to say nice things.
16. Judiciary: Legislation without representation.
17. PIL: Your interest, my litigation.
18. Justice: Often delivered without reference to law.
19. Clearance: Roadblock with a welcome sign.
20. Parliament: World’s most efficient law-making body. Has passed 8 bills in 17 minutes.
21. IAS: Individuals anointed as saviours.
22. Competent authority: ?? (See definition of ‘due process’)
23. Evidence-based policymaking: “My 20 years of experience says…”
24. Lal Bahadur Shastri Academy for IAS probationers: Hogwarts.
*By Anirudh Burman and Suyash Rai.
