Introducing the Indian Public Administration Lexicon or “iPal”*

iPal is an attempt to make comprehensible certain words that sound familiar, but mean something entirely different when used in Indian governance and politics.

1. Aam Aadmi: Rich people who dress badly.

2. Public interest: a) Interest of Aam aadmi.

b) source of power to override law, constitution, logic, reason, everything.

3. Subsidy: Screw you poor aadmi. Yours sincerely, Aam aadmi.

4. Taxpayer money: Kalpavriksha (mythological, wish-fulfilling divine tree said to fulfill all desires). Also, free lunch.

5. Neo-liberals: Jerks who inconvenience us with facts.

6. Public goods: Stuff the government wants to do with your money. Includes running hotels, making bread etc.

7. Free market fundamentalist: Anyone who wants the government to get out of the business of running hotels or making bread.

8. Pro-Poor: Anti-growth

9. Pro-growth: Crony capitalism

10. Rule of law: Nobody’s business.

11. Sustainable growth: slow growth

12. Due-Process: See, “The Trial” by Kafka.

13. Economic justice/Inclusion: Socialism.

14. Freedom: It’s nice, till you exercise it.

15. Right to free speech: Right to say nice things.

16. Judiciary: Legislation without representation.

17. PIL: Your interest, my litigation.

18. Justice: Often delivered without reference to law.

19. Clearance: Roadblock with a welcome sign.

20. Parliament: World’s most efficient law-making body. Has passed 8 bills in 17 minutes.

21. IAS: Individuals anointed as saviours.

22. Competent authority:  ??         (See definition of ‘due process’)

23. Evidence-based policymaking: “My 20 years of experience says…”

24. Lal Bahadur Shastri Academy for IAS probationers: Hogwarts.

*By Anirudh Burman and Suyash Rai.

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